4 things to remember when your Inner Mean Girl starts bullying you

“Why are you wasting your time doing that?”
“You don’t really think people are going to care about what you have to say, do you?”
“You’re hopeless.”

These are just a few of the things my inner mean girl has been shouting in my ear this week.


Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve really made progress in my business. I’ve felt on fire and like I had a real purpose and a real plan. And I was going after it.

But then I let my guard down for a minute. In that minute, my inner mean girl started yapping. And… like with kids and puppies: give her an inch and she’ll take a mile.

Cue the eye rolling and face palms…

So there I was on Tuesday, minding my own business when my Inner Mean Girl started whispering doubts like: “Maybe this isn’t the right direction.”

She was talking about my business, and I actually took a minute to consider what she was saying. Which was my first mistake.

Before I knew what was happening, she was no longer whispering questions but was now all-out shouting derogatory attacks at me. Stuff that hit way below the belt. Stuff that has nothing to do with my business and yet has everything to do with me executing in my business.

Because you see, when she gets going, I become paralyzed. And I hide. And I start thinking it’s okay to not show up and slack off and eat those doughnuts.

But it’s not okay.

It’s not okay to stop showing up for myself.
It’s not okay to stop showing up for my business.
It’s not okay to stop showing up for my dream and my purpose and my impact.
It’s not okay to slack off and leave you wondering where I went this week.

And when the doughnuts are being treated as weapons of mass destruction instead of the once-in-a-while delicious treats that they are… well, that’s not okay either.

4 Things to remember when your Inner Mean Girl is getting nasty

  1. Remember why you’re here.

    Your inner mean girl is going to get her panties in a bunch when you start doing the thing that means the most to you. She wants you to stay small and quiet and insignificant -or- she wants you to be like her: vacuous, superficial, and unhappy.

    But you aren’t her. And she’s not you. SO remember why you’re here. Remember why you are in the fight, doing the things that are important to you.

  2. Remember your friends.

    Luckily, I had a couple of friends help me off of the ledge. One sent me compassionate and caring messages. And the other (gently) called me out, reminding me that I’ve got this and not to let my inner mean girl win.

    So when you find yourself paralyzed by the hurtful things your inner mean girl is telling you, reach out to someone who knows you. Someone who cares. And someone who knows why you’re really here and in the fight.

  3. Remember who you are.

    It’s funny (not in a haha way)… how we can say these horrible things to ourselves but would never in a million years say something like that to someone else.

    Or is that just me?

    For instance, I would never say any of this to another person, but I let my Inner Mean Girl say it to me…

    I would never be that mean to someone else. That’s terrible. So why the heck am I being so mean to myself?

    Sometimes it’s enough just to remember who you really are. And who you aren’t.

  4. Remember love.

    Not to sound too cliché or Hallmark-y, but yeah, remember love.

    Reach out for an extra hug.
    Cuddle with your cat.
    Watch something that reminds you of beauty in the world.

    And remember that you are loved.

    I am loved, most of all by me. #LoveStartsWithMe

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Leave a comment below: how do you handle your inner mean girl?

P.S. For help with taming your Inner Mean Girl, check out the upcoming Good Girl Rehab.

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4 Replies to “4 things to remember when your Inner Mean Girl starts bullying you”

  1. Ahhh. I can so relate to the inner mean girl stuff. I definitely have one and she’s a biatch!! The tips you provided were great and the one I have to remind myself of is the remembering my friends. I don’t always like to tell my problems or be a “Debbie downer” so I hold that stuff in. I think for me it starts with being aware of who is talking and trying to find out why. Also, nurturing the inner mean girl because sometimes she’s just lonely, hurting and afraid.

    1. Great point Sharena. The Inner Mean Girl isn’t all bad, and sometimes we do need to love and nurture her too. She’s mean for a reason.

      And yes… no one wants to feel like Debbie Downer, but your real friends want to be there for you (just like you would be there for them). Holding it in is bad for everybody, but you already know that :)

  2. I love your vulnerability and realness. (Is that a word?) You speak plainly about what it is like to have her crap all over us as we build our businesses.

    Yes, we need to push back on that Inner Mean Girl (great name) and send her packing so that we can breathe.

    Thanks for your humour and your videos. Made me laugh.


    1. Thanks Miriam. I’m always happy to make you laugh :)

      It is a great name, isn’t it? I can’t take credit for it (I got it from Sharena). I was just inspired by it. It felt SO true for me & my experience with those bitchy voices inside.

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