When I ask a new client what they are hoping to get from our coaching relationship, more often than not, their response includes “more confidence”.
This is what they want more than losing weight or finding the right guy or even financial abundance. Confidence is what stands between them and what they really want out of life (which deep down, underneath it all boils down to happiness… and isn’t that what we all want?).
Can you relate? I can.
When I first started coaching, I didn’t think I should admit that I struggled with confidence too. That to be a “good coach” I needed to avoid admitting to such weaknesses and so I would just nod and ask a good coaching question like “what would more confidence look like?” or “what would be different in your life if you had more confidence?”.
These days I fully admit to my clients (and to you) that I struggle with confidence. I want more too. (Of course, I still ask good coaching questions too, but I understand now that being real and human is part of being a great coach… and person).
I know what it feels like to shy away from asking for the thing I really want because I’m scared of having the spotlight on me.
I know all too well what it’s like to smile and nod on the outside while holding in what I really think or feel… feeling trapped and voiceless on the inside.
AND I’ve overcome a lot of my struggle with confidence. I’ve learned how to build more confidence through practice and repetition.
And while I still believe that is a great way to build confidence in something (that is, go do it over and over and over again until it’s not so scary anymore), confidence is such a big and elusive thing that I felt it deserved a deeper look.
So I’ve decided that throughout the month of April, I will explore confidence and offer you real ways to get more of it. So be sure to sign up for updates so you don’t miss anything.
Which brings us to today. I believe the best place to start (just about anything) is to define what it really means to you.
What does confidence look like? What does it feel like? Think about examples from your own life… and if you can’t think of any from your own experiences, look at your favorite actress or actor or a character they’ve played.
In most cases, I’ve found what my clients are looking for really is a bigger voice in their own life. Permission to take up more space. And to play the starring/lead role in their own life (instead of a supporting character).
To them, confidence looks like:
- Being able to say no.
- Setting boundaries.
- Standing up for yourself.
- Getting to feel like you matter… that you’re not an underling or “nobody”.
- To feel appreciated / not feel taken for granted.
- To ask for what you need/want.
- Worry less.
- Freedom.
This is what confidence means to them. What does it mean to you?
Take action now: Tell me in the comments below what more confidence would look/feel like in your life.
P.S. I’ve found that dancing and singing along to this is always a fun way to get in touch with your inner lion (or tiger)…
I want to hear you Roar!
Living with more confidence would quickly yield a life with less regret. Simply put…
For sure, Bryan. That is the essence of it, isn’t it?
Confidence would feel like I’m not afraid of new things. Of not being afraid of what will happen if I …(fill in the blank)… I feel very anxious of anything out of my control and don’t feel confident. That’s where I want more confidence.
I know what you mean, Pam. But you’ve hit on something important… “anything out of my control and don’t feel confident”. What do you really have control over? I say that not to increase your anxiety, but instead to ask the question… what would happen if you let go of control?
It’s not easy. It takes trust and courage… but I think that’s a place to start.