Posted on

the dilemma

As an introverted leader, you face a dilemma. I face it too. Every day.

How do you balance your need for introvert time with putting yourself and your message into the world?

When these things are out of whack, it can lead to introvert-exhaustion.

in•tro•vert-ex•haus•tion
noun

1. a state of extreme mental, physical, and emotional fatigue brought on by too much time “in the world”.

2. the action or state of using up an introvert’s energy reserves completely.

You know what I’m talking about, right? You spend a day going from hour-long phone call to lunch with a friend to a coffee date to more phone calls, without breaks, and at the end of the day you feel spent.

When I feel that way, I’m usually tempted to spend a day on the couch watching cooking shows and surfing the internet on my laptop. But this can lead to the cycle of doom.

The cycle of doom: Facebook->email->worrying about what I should be doing instead of->email-Facebook->…

The problem with this is that it seems like it is “introverted” and we think, therefore it should be restful.
Continue reading “the dilemma”

Posted on

Dear Introvert, it’s time.

An interesting thing has happened over the last couple of years.

It started innocently enough with a few articles like “23 signs you’re secretly an introvert”, and a couple of “how to care for your introvert” infographics. And for the longest time I’ve been right there with the authors, alone in my office, throwing my fist into the air doing an Arsenio Hall “woo woo woo” along with all of my introverted brothers and sisters of the internet.

Then I read the book Quiet by Susan Cain, and thought, “Finally, someone is really speaking up for introverts.” And I watched her Ted Talk. And immediately rushed off to tell everyone I knew to go watch it (so I posted it on Facebook which is practically the same thing).

But in the last couple of years, “introvert” has gone from a word bandied about by personality type junkies and psychologists to a mainstream buzzword and sort-of diagnosis. Introvert has become a badge of honor for the “old souls” among us. A (not-so) secret club that only those who understand the “20 things only introverts know” can be a part of. And at the same time it feels like it’s become a thing that other people need to be aware of like ALS or autism.
Continue reading “Dear Introvert, it’s time.”

Posted on

What I learned about life from dirty dishes.

the girl is happy summer sun

I love a clean sink.

I breathe easier when the dishes are clean. I sleep better when everything is put away. And I feel happier when the counters are clear and ready for a new day’s worth of food activity.

And I’m not alone. There is research that shows how clutter increases your stress and reduces your focus. Also, I bet you find your life more relaxing when things are tidy.

Knowing this, I still resisted (and denied) that truth for a long time. I’d leave dirty dishes in the sink for days hoping that someone else would do them. Some days I even resented that no one else was doing them (though I didn’t really ask them to, I just assumed they’d do it because we were out of clean spoons… as if a couple of teenagers are going to voluntarily and spontaneously do the dishes. Facepalm).

Why do I have to be the one to do the dishes all the time? My inner teenager would whine.

I didn’t want “doing the dishes” to be part of my job description. Even if you set aside gender role stereotypes and all that, I never liked doing the dishes. It always felt like I was a wayward teen who was scolded into doing it because it was something my parents decided I needed to do. Even though I’ve been out of my teens for a long time. Even though I’m the parent now. Even though I want clean dishes.

It’s time to grow up.

Continue reading “What I learned about life from dirty dishes.”

Posted on

What you want to do vs. What needs to be done

Happy little girl washing the dishes in the kitchen.

I’ve been struggling to keep up with my business and writing since summer began. There are new and different demands on my time, as well old and familiar doubts cropping up again.

And I’m sitting here wondering: how do successful and creative people get stuff done?

I’m talking about those prolific artists of all genres who seem to always be creating. As if “writer’s block” doesn’t exist for them, and there is no such thing as a lack of inspiration.

I’ve read The War of Art (and Do the Work, and Turning Pro) by Steven Pressfield. So intellectually, I understand what needs to happen. But I’m wondering from a more physical, tangible, in my daily life kind of way. (And that’s not to say that Steven Pressfield’s books don’t have very applicable and practical stuff to practice in my daily life, they absolutely do. But it’s the difference between knowing in my head and knowing in my visceral-gut-heart-body-mind… do you know what I mean?).

So this has lead me to a Great Exploration. With many articles saved to Pocket to read later, several books at various stages of being read, and a number of thoughts jotted down in various notebooks.

And while I don’t have all of the answers, I have a few thoughts I want to share with you (as I invite you into this exploration with me).

Continue reading “What you want to do vs. What needs to be done”

Posted on

What I learned from (trying to be) Little Miss Perfect

little-miss-perfect

All I ever really wanted was to be perfect.

I followed all of the rules (both spoken and unspoken).
I made good grades.
I did all the things I was supposed to do.
And I did everything within my power to exceed expectations.

I had it all together.

I was the perfect mix of pre-prison Martha Stewart and pre-spandex Sandy (you know, like… “Sandy, you can’t just walk out of a drive in!” — that should be read in your best Danny Zuko voice)..

I was Little Miss Perfect.

And I felt like a fraud.

Like any minute I’d be found out. Someone would finally see that I wasn’t actually all that smart or talented or nice or pretty or perfect.

It was exhausting. And no matter how hard I tried to actually BE perfect, I never FELT perfect.

So after years of carrying the burden of being Little Miss Perfect, I’ve let it go.

Here is what I’ve learned from (trying to be) Little Miss Perfect:

Continue reading “What I learned from (trying to be) Little Miss Perfect”

Posted on

4 things to remember when your Inner Mean Girl starts bullying you

“Why are you wasting your time doing that?”
“You don’t really think people are going to care about what you have to say, do you?”
“You’re hopeless.”
“Oh.My.Gawd.”

These are just a few of the things my inner mean girl has been shouting in my ear this week.

innermeangirls

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve really made progress in my business. I’ve felt on fire and like I had a real purpose and a real plan. And I was going after it.

But then I let my guard down for a minute. In that minute, my inner mean girl started yapping. And… like with kids and puppies: give her an inch and she’ll take a mile.

Cue the eye rolling and face palms…

So there I was on Tuesday, minding my own business when my Inner Mean Girl started whispering doubts like: “Maybe this isn’t the right direction.”

She was talking about my business, and I actually took a minute to consider what she was saying. Which was my first mistake.
Continue reading “4 things to remember when your Inner Mean Girl starts bullying you”

Posted on

5 steps to prioritize your stuff and actually get it done.

This week I’m answering a question from April about the best way to get things done (see the video below).

There are a lot of productivity experts out there. I am not one of them.

I do, however, know what works for me.

From David Allen to Charlie Gilkey, and from Jocelyn K. Glei (with the folks at 99u) to Steven Pressfield. They all have enriched to my education as a doer of things.

I’ve tried Asana, Trello, the GTD system using index cards, the Pomodoro Method, and many other systems.

Why?

Because I’m an information junkie. And also because I’ve been searching for the right way to get stuff done. But you know what I’ve learned? That the system you use matters less than the habits you keep.

[ctt tweet=”Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.  ~Jim Ryun” coverup=”n068t”]

So in today’s video, I lay out 5 steps to go from “I don’t know where to start” to actually getting stuff done on the daily.

Hint: #5 is the most important step (without it, the rest don’t matter).

Leave me a comment below and let me know how you get stuff done. What are the tips and tools you have found that work for you?

Productivity Resources:

Do you have a question you’d like me to answer? Click here.

Note: the links to books above are affiliate links which means if you click on them and buy the book, I will make a few cents.

You may also like:

Posted on

Anger Sucks: Don’t Bottle it Up.

Most of my life, I felt like it was my job to keep my emotions under wraps.
Be stoic.
Never rock the boat.
Always comply.
And generally be a good girl.

And I was miserable because of it.

IMG_0231 (id)

Until a few years ago when I realized that I was filled to the brim with unspoken hurts and anger… some of it had been bottled up for so long that it had fermented into rage… and it was time to start finding ways to let it out (safely). Because it was eating me up from the inside and making me miserable.

If you’ve ever bottled up anger, felt scared that you would make someone upset because you didn’t agree with them, and did everything in your power to never let anyone else see the slightest hint that you might be upset, then this week’s video is for you.

A couple of links related to this week’s video:

Let me know in the comments below: how do you handle anger?

Click here to tweet this: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

P.S. It’s worth mentioning that I don’t think anger in and of itself is a “bad” emotion. There are no “bad” emotions. Emotions just are what they are. But when we bottle things up, they spoil like milk and block us from a fulfilling, flowing life.

Posted on

Why self-care & rest are so important.

I spent last week in Sonoma, California, working as an assistant at a leadership retreat (the first of four retreats that are part of the CTI Leadership Program).

IMG_0194

So basically, I moved chairs around, manned the video camera, and sat in the back of the room quietly observing and “holding space” for 6 days.

When I say it like that, it doesn’t sound like very much. But the truth is that “holding space” means staying completely present and open-hearted. And energetically being there in the room with the leaders and participants as one-by-one they were transformed and busted open. For 6 days.

That takes a lot of focus and energy. I didn’t realize how much until I got home.

On Sunday evening when I got home, I was still riding high and I talked Dan’s ear off. But I woke up on Monday feeling like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. And then Tuesday, I felt like someone had shattered the bricks with a sledgehammer.

In other words, I was spent. Tired. Exhausted. Pooped.

So I’ve had to let go of the big plans I had for this week and just… rest.

And I re-learned the importance of good self-care and making time to recover. That’s what this week’s video is about.

Links & stuff about Introversion & HSPs (in case you want more info):

Let me know in the comments below what you do to recover when you are bone-tired? And also, how easy or hard is it for you to give yourself that time? (that is, do you feel guilty or selfish? And if so, why?).

P.S. This week’s post is later than planned (Wednesday is usually my post day) because I didn’t plan for my rest & recovery & self-care the way I should have. Live and learn.

Posted on

What does stress have to do with confidence?

This month I have been pulling back the curtain on Confidence and examining how to build it, get more, and make it irrelevant. Today, in the final “confidence” installment (for now), I’m going deeper and having a look at the connection between stress and confidence and what we can do to make our bodies more receptive to feeling confident.

stressandconfidence

Stress.

It’s a hot topic in our always-connected world. But what if not getting a handle on your stress levels is also making it nearly impossible for you to feel confident?

And is there a way to prime our bodies to be more receptive to our confidence-boosting efforts?

These are the questions that inspired this week’s video. I also offer a little look at the stress hormone cortisol and offer a few ways to lower stress in your life. (Plus Wonder Woman and Science Nerd costumes).

Watch the video below and share your thoughts in the comments.

Links:

And be sure leave me a comment below and tell me how you’re going to reduce stress in your life.

P.S. If you have a question you’d like me to answer in an upcoming video, submit it here.