Patricia Lawless – Page 7 – Redefine What's Possible

May 1, 2013June 16, 2017

have-to vs get-to

This is part of my Spring Cleaning series that runs on Wednesdays through the end of Spring. In this series, we’ll explore the things that clutter our lives (especially, mental and emotional clutter) and how to let it go.

Sometimes life feels like a kick in the head.

Have you ever felt stuck or bogged down by all the stuff you have to do?

Of course, you have. Because you are human. We all do at one time or another. Even Life Ninjas are not immune to the stagnating power of the have-to.

I’m not talking about things like breathing, eating, or sleeping. Or even taking a shower or feeding your children. Those are non-negotiables.

I am talking about the things that we let become burdensome.

Maybe you have a hobby you used to love, but because life got busy or maybe you started getting good and that felt like pressure, you’ve let it collect dust and you’re harboring guilt over it. Can’t you just feel the should and have to weighing you down?

Maybe you dream of a killer bikini body and the thought of wearing those perfect jeans actually make you tingle with glee. Then you start focusing losing weight and eventually you focus only on calories and portions and numbers on the scale. Soon it feels like a chore to exercise. And eating a salad feels like deprivation. I have to exercise today, I have to diet, I have to weigh myself, I have to keep a food journal…

Or maybe your hearts desire is to write the next great American novel. And you commit to writing a chapter per week for the next few months. So you start writing, but work gets busy or home life gets chaotic, and at first you’re disappointed you don’t have more time to write, but eventually writing becomes a burden because it drags you away from the urgent needs of the day. I have to write because I made the commitment. I have to write because I haven’t finished my chapter this week. I have to…

Yeah, well. I call bullshit.

Everything is a choice. And you have the power to make whichever choice suits your fancy.

There are no right or wrong answers. Only your answers.

Give your have-to’s a makeover

Take a deep breath (because that’s always a good place to start).
Look at your “have to” du jour. And ask yourself: “What’s important to me about this?“
If you answered “nothing” to #2, great! Either delegate it to someone who cares, or just let go.
If on the other hand, you realized some deep and interesting stuff about why you really do want to be doing this thing, great! Write it down, make a vision board, or something… just be sure to capture the important bits so you can look at it again later.
And now that you know WHY you’re doing this thing, what excites you about it? What’s fun about it?… The answers to these questions are your “Get-to’s” as in “I get to do this!“

Can I get a Hell Yeah!?

Bottom line: If it’s a burden or a “have-to”, give it to someone who does care about it, let it go, or turn it into a “get-to”. Because whatever you do, you get to choose it and you get to do it!

What are you excited that you get to do?

Photo Credit: Spencer Finnley via Flickr.

April 29, 2013June 16, 2017

a manifesto

This post is part of my Joy Experiment series which is published every Monday-ish, and is a place to explore Joy (what it is, how to create it, why it’s important, etc).

Starting a movement

A few weeks ago, I quietly started a movement. (Check out the movement on Instagram and Twitter & share your own #tinymomentsofjoy.)

And I started thinking, if this is really going to be a movement, I need a manifesto. I took inspiration from the “It’s a Joy Full Life Manifesto” from Kelly Rae Roberts, and Daring Greatly Leadership & Wholehearted Parenting Manifestos from Brené Brown. At least in that I loved the feelings that are expressed in those manifestos.

And so with great love and honesty, I’ve created a Tiny Moments of Joy Manifesto.

Tell me what you think.

What would be in your manifesto?

April 17, 2013June 16, 2017

how to let go even when it feels like you can’t

It’s time to let go.

There is something you have been holding onto for years. You know the thing I mean.

It could be:

a pair of jeans you haven’t been able to wear for five years
a grudge with your brother who has made some bad choices in his life and said some unkind things at Christmas dinner three years ago
a flower vase that your mom gave to you but doesn’t match your style and you never use it and never will, it just sits in the cabinet taking up space
the anger you feel toward your stepdad for listening to your phone conversations in high school
a box of baby clothes in the garage that you keep even though your kids are already in middle school and you don’t really plan to have more at this point

… just to name a few.

But yours is probably different. Whatever it is, whether it is physical, mental, emotional, or familial, no matter if it is a good memory you are trying to hold onto way after its over or a bad memory that won’t leave you alone… no matter what it is, it’s time to let go.

(Note: I’m not saying to let go of the good memories, but the physical things you hold onto may not be adding any real value to your life now. Keep the memories, the photos, and a few small tokens. Let go of the rest.)

These things that we hold onto take up space in our lives. They occupy physical space, emotional space, and often mental space (as we retrace old conversations or dream up new ones that might make it all better). This is space that we could use right now to create new memories or to simply enjoy a full and relaxing breath.

It’s time to get real.

Continue reading “how to let go even when it feels like you can’t”

April 15, 2013June 16, 2017

a moment of silence

April 12, 2013June 16, 2017

not cool robert frost

It’s spring break next week and I’m in my pre-trip anxiety storm (There’s so much to do. I’ll never get it all done. Maybe I should stay home… you know, stuff like that).

And I thought, “I could use a pep talk.”

You’ve seen Kid President, right? I’m guessing most of you are among the over 18 million viewers of the Kid President’s Pep Talk video. But in case you’re not, (and even if you are), here it is…

Have an awesome weekend!

P.S. Have you watched any of Soul Pancake‘s other videos? I highly recommend the Talk with your 10 year old self. Super sweet.

P.P.S. Check out #tinymomentsofjoy on Twitter! And join the movement: Joy to the world. Literally.

& don’t forget to dance!

Photo Credit via Pinterest

April 10, 2013June 16, 2017

the tv ate my blog post

Today was supposed to be a writing day.

I had one appointment this morning and then the rest of the day free to write.

In my journal this morning, I wrote: “I will not turn the TV on until after work.” (I work from home & for myself, so “work” is more a state of mind than anything.)

But when I got home from my appointment, I was hungry so sat down with a yogurt (Brown Cow cream-top maple flavor. Best. Yogurt. Ever.) And…

I turned on the TV.

And I watched New Girl, last night’s episode of The Voice, half of Monday’s Dancing with the Stars, and some previews for stuff airing next week.

As if that weren’t enough, I had my laptop handy and got stuck in the Facebook-Twitter-Email-Instagram-Facebook-Twitter-Email… loop while I was watching TV.

Holy Brain Fry, Batman.

Hi, my name is Patricia and I’m a tvaholic.

When I was nine, if my sister wanted to know what was on television at 4:30pm (or any other non-school time slot), she would ask me because I could tell her what was on all of the networks, TBS, plus a few other channels. From memory.

Just a little bit cray-cray when it comes to my TV time.

But here’s the thing: I like television. I love being pulled into storylines and watching characters unfold and develop. It’s part entertainment, part escape, and part education as a writer.

But here’s the other thing: too much of a good thing ain’t so good.

No matter how enjoyable or educational or even productive it may be… too much is too much. And too much leads to fuzzy brains, stomach aches, and burnout.

Too much = clutter.

Last week I said that clutter is anything that comes between you and what you want.

And too much TV has gotten in the way of a lot of stuff I wanted today.

So should I give it up completely? Drop TV like he’s a scrub (aslo known as a buster).

Go cold turkey?

Sure… I could do that.

But I don’t want to cut it to zero. Where is the balance in that?

I’d argue that some things aren’t clutter until there’s too much of it. And balance is important to me (not balance as in everything is equal, but balance like where everything adds up to that “aaaahhhh” feeling… you know?).

What do you think?
Can there be a balance with something like TV or is it all or nothing?

What in your life is “too much” and becoming clutter?

P.S. This morning I proclaimed to Facebook and Twitter that if I reach 100 likes on my Facebook page by this Friday, I’ll push way outside my comfort zone (and do something that feels embarrassing). I will post a video of me “being a party” (see: Kid President’s Guide to Being a Party). I’m just 12 likes away, so won’t you help me out and like my page?

Photo Credit

April 8, 2013June 16, 2017

tiny moments of joy

This post is part of my Joy Experiment series which is published every Monday-ish, and is a place to explore Joy (what it is, how to create it, why it’s important, etc).

I have a confession: it was really hard for me to publish last week’s Joy Experiment post.

As in, I felt sick to my stomach for half the day after I posted it. And my skin felt like it was crawling in a most unnatural way.

Still, it felt important for me to say it. And I am glad that I did.

But then when it came time to write today’s post, I stalled. I just didn’t want to sit down to write.

The feeling was somewhere between “oh no… I’m not going there again” and “how do I follow that?”

So I watched The Voice. And I hung out on Facebook. And I ate doughnuts.

And then I let go.

Of the fear.

Of the expectation.

And what I got in its place was inspiration.

Tiny Moments

I realized I don’t need to “top” last week’s post. And I don’t need to try to do it again (right now).

All I need to do is show up and share a tiny moment of joy.

Because that’s where joy is. In the moments.

I think that’s why practicing gratitude is so important to cultivating joy: By practicing gratitude, we consciously acknowledge some of those moments that bring us joy.

So here goes…

Some of the tiny moments of joy in my life recently:

58073_10200509408890403_1805016225_n — A lazy Saturday spent with a computer & Raven on my lap.

59277_10200503877432120_2026895399_n — a beautiful morning on my deck

527609_10200437092922549_1652431445_n — mmm… Pinkberry.

531696_10200414726443401_2107058332_n — tea + chocolate + writing = a joyful afternoon

537535_10200400613210579_303973854_n — homemade, brightly colored salad with grilled salmon. Healthy tastes delicious.

Raven again. This cat brings me so many moments of joy (this was taken right after she stretched all the way up through the tips of her ears… so darn cute).

Join me in spreading tiny moments of joy

I started a hashtag on Instagram & Twitter: #TinyMomentsOfJoy so that we can capture & share our tiny moments of joy.

It can be anything:
From a photo of the cup of tea that you enjoy in the afternoon to your baby’s smile to your dog waiting to go for a walk… anything that brings you a little bit of joy.

Some other ideas:

Share a quote that inspired you to smile.
Tell us what you’re grateful for right now.
Take a picture of the pair of sandals you get to wear now that it’s warming up

Anything (that brings you joy) goes.

Be sure to tag it with #TinyMomentsOfJoy and I will share my favorites here next week (and ongoing).

Let’s start a movement. One tiny moment of joy at a time.

Connect with me on twitter and Instagram… and let’s do this!

Joy to the World! (literally).

What tiny moment of joy did you have today?

April 5, 2013June 16, 2017

strike a pose

Today I thought I’d share another one of my favorite Ted Talks. In it, Amy Cuddy talks about how our body language can change how we feel about ourselves.

Last summer, I completed a 10-month leadership training program which literally rocked my world in so many ways. But one of the things they had us do early on was to have us find our “power movement” (not what they called it, but for our purposes here it makes more sense calling it that).

And we used our power movements to recover from fear, anxiety, doubt, etc.

So when I first saw Amy Cuddy’s talk, I was like: “No way! There’s science behind this stuff!” (and for me that’s always an awesome discovery because I love it when the spirit-stuff and science stuff come together with the same message).

Anyway, here’s the awesome news: you can have a power pose too. For free. Without the 10-month program. Just watch this…

Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are

Now, go strike a pose.

Have a great weekend!

Photo Credit: The WB

April 3, 2013June 16, 2017

creating space for more

Photo Credit: LaPrimaDonna via Flickr

Last week I categorized types of mental clutter, and I was planning to step through each of the categories I laid out last week, one by one, with tips on overcoming each type. And I may still do that next week.

But I realized something.

I realized that the categories don’t matter so much. That labeling what kind of clutter it is isn’t important.

What’s important is knowing what is and what is not clutter so that you know what to do with each.

What is clutter?

I’m going to go out on a limb here (a very stable and sturdy limb, that is) and say that all of the stuff that gets in your way (and my way) is clutter.

Whether it’s mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, or imaginary. If it comes between you and what you want, it’s clutter.

We all want something.

Anything and everything from fitting into that pair of jeans to 15 minutes all to yourself to a six-figure business to a tidy home to a new romance to a happy baby to more money to more time with friends to… you get the idea.

What gets between You and What You Want?

a messy desk?
a sink full of dishes?
a neverending list of ToDos?
an un-vacuumed carpet?
an overflowing calendar?
the stuff you should do?
TV shows that you can’t resist?
a chocolate habit that won’t quit?

Whatever it is, that’s your clutter.

But mental clutter is different from physical clutter, right?

Yes.

And no.

Have you ever taken the time to clear one space of clutter (a desk, closet, drawer, your purse or wallet… anything really)?

I’ll bet when you were done, your mind was clearer. The room felt more spacious. Maybe you could breathe more easily.

That’s because physical clutter represents mental clutter. So when you take the time to clear the physical stuff, you get a mental lift as well. (And there’s even science behind this.)

So if you’re looking to clear some mental clutter, start with the physical stuff. And breathe a little easier.

Creating space for more

I truly believe that we have to clear space in our lives (physically, emotionally, mentally) in order to receive more of the good stuff we want.

For example, I have a small file holder thingie where I keep my clients’ information and notes. It’s got handles so it’s portable, a pretty linen exterior, and a bright green interior that makes me happy.

And last year while I was working on my coaching certification, I was getting stressed out about not having enough clients to get the hours I needed in time for my oral exam.

One day, I was looking at my file holder and noticed that I had crammed into it some papers from writing classes I had taken as well as other random non-client-related stuff.

There was no room for new client files.

So I cleared out the clutter. I found new homes for the important stuff and set the rest free to be recycled. This created enough space that I was inspired to go buy more of the pretty floral file folders I like.

Creating space and buying new folders felt like an invitation.

The following week I got 2 new clients.

Whether you’re into law of attraction or not, I believe that by moving and clearing that stuff out of my client file, I created the room not only in the file holder but in my brain and my heart to let in something more.

What do you want to make more space for in your life?

April 1, 2013June 16, 2017

why joy is so important to me

This post is part of my Joy Experiment series which is published every Monday-ish, and is a place to explore Joy (what it is, how to create it, why it’s important, etc).

Photo Credit: Lubs Mary via Flickr

Backstory

So far I’ve shared some information I’ve read about joy, asked questions and pondered some about joy, and tried to express that it is important, but I realized today that I haven’t really said anything about why joy is important to me. So here goes…

Not everyone experiences joy. Not everyone knows how to. It’s not something they learned as a child.

I didn’t.

Now I’m not saying that there were no happy moments in my childhood, but in all honesty, I grew up feeling alone and scared of being hurt (emotionally).

My parents separated when I was about three years old. My father was an alcoholic, and my mother is Korean.

What I mean is, my mom grew up during & after the Korean war, lost both of her parents before she turned fifteen, and learned to put emotions aside to take care of herself and her sisters.

You can’t worry about feelings when you don’t know where your next meal is coming from.

This isn’t a sob story

I know that my parents loved me and they did the best they knew how with what they had.

But the bottom line is that I didn’t have many role models as a child to teach me what it meant to feel joy.

What I did have were role models for shutting down emotions.

My point here is that when you’re given enough reasons to stop engaging, you stop engaging.

Whether it’s numbing yourself with as much candy as you can get your eight year old hands on, hiding in your room writing abstract emo poetry as an eighth grader, or drinking an entire bottle of Chardonnay by yourself while watching The Princess Bride as a thirtysomething, you’ll do anything not to feel your feelings.

But there is a bright side

I always felt like there was something more to life than what I had known, so I searched. And I hoped. I believed in possibilities. I don’t know why or how I held onto that hope and belief, but it carried me through to adulthood.

I’ve spent most of my adult life learning to make friends with emotions. I’ve had to learn how to feel my emotions instead of running from them, avoiding them, and burying them under sugar, good grades, and whatever was on TV.

It has been a long and difficult process, with many tears. And I would recommend it to anyone.

Because real life happens where emotions live, not in a quart of ice cream.

Break on through to the other side

So here I am. On the other side. I’m a feeler. And I have a wonderful life filled with happy moments and plenty of room for whatever emotions come up.

And now, I coach other people through their own journeys to letting the emotions back in (also known as vulnerability in Brené Brown‘s language). I try to use what I’ve learned to help them make it a shorter and less difficult process than it was for me.

I love the moment when my client lets go of the hurt, the anger, the fear and opens up to what’s possible in their life. That’s joy.

And now, I want more.

I want to actively seek out JOY.

I want to understand how we feel it, express it, create it, share it, and teach it… so that I can help others find their way to joy, even when it feels impossible.

Because it IS possible. It may not be easy, in fact sometimes it can just suck, but a life filled with joy is possible if you want it badly enough.

And I do. I want it badly. For me. And for you.

And that is why joy is so important to me.