how to build confidence

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. ~ Henry David Thoreau
Photo Credit: Son of Groucho via flickr

“I really need to work on my confidence.”

This is one of the most common things I hear from new clients. Confidence feels unobtainable to so many of us. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

The things that most often stand between us and confidence are: distorted beliefs about your own self-worth, a fear of becoming arrogant or full of yourself if you actually were to start believing in yourself, some extra-shouty gremlins, and compare&despair syndrome in which everyone else comes out ahead of you.

First and foremost, I want to dispel the notion that confidence means having no fear. Nor does it mean being cocky, having everything together all the time, or being perfect in every way.

And as for the compare&despair syndrome…

Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides.

Just don’t. You don’t know what those people that “have it all together” are feeling inside. They could be scared poopless. Or they could be fighting back their own gremlins. Don’t assume they’ve got some special magic you don’t have.
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Reentry

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Watch that first step, it’s a doozy.

Remember how when summer break was over and you were back in classes, it was one part excitement to see your friends, wearing your new clothes, and being in a new grade; and one part ugh-I-have-to-do-homework?-wtf?-I’m-not-ready-for-this.

Yeah,… that’s how I feel right now.

As you know I gave myself most of the summer off. Now it’s August and it’s time to get back to writing, blogging, and keeping it real. But I’ve struggled all week to produce one post-able piece of prose.

Sometimes the only way forward is… forward.

(Click here to tweet that)

So my choices are: keep beating my head against the desk in hopes that the perfect words will fall out OR write something reasonable today and go deeper next week.

Now, while I do love to bang my head on hard surfaces as much as the next writer, I think letting go of the need to be perfect and just taking a step forward (albeit a small one) is the better option.

Anyway, it’s rarely as bad as you think it is.

It’s the fear of not living up to some ideal you’ve created in your mind that keeps you from taking the first step, but once you take a step (any step) it gets easier and you start wondering what you were worrying about in the first place.

(And hey, look at that, I’ve nearly written an entire blog post already. That wasn’t so hard after all.)

By the way, I’m really excited to share these with you!

Just this week I’ve been featured in two interviews! I feel so lucky and honored.

The first is a Right-Brain Business Plan Spotlight, in which I talk about how I used the book The Right Brain Business Plan by Jennifer Lee to develop my business vision and start moving forward as an entrepreneur. Click here to read the spotlight.

The second is a podcast called Life Coaching Today with Garrett Lamb. Garrett and I had a lot of fun talking about all sorts of things (from road rage to the Flintstones), and had a deep discussion about the inner critic and what role is really plays in our lives. It’s a short 22 minutes long & free! Click here to download the podcast.

(Note: The link to the RBBP book is an affiliate link, so if you buy anything using that link I’ll get a small percentage. I rarely use affiliate links and only for things I have used and really believe in.)

Photo Credit: harold.lloyd via Flickr

the spring cleaning hustle extravaganza jubilee

This is part of my Spring Cleaning series that runs on Wednesdays through the end of Spring. In this series, we’ll explore the things that clutter our lives (especially, mental and emotional clutter) and how to let it go.

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Spring is rushing by at the speed of light. Are you keeping up?

I’m not. The last month has been filled with a lot of travel, the Mom 2.0 Summit, speed coaching at a career event, and a whole bunch of I don’t remember.

All that travel, networking, and face-time took a lot out of my introverted-HSP self so after recovering and plenty of rest, I’m just now getting back to “normal life” (is there such a thing?).

And now that I’m home and I’m awake, I notice that the little bits of clutter around the house have grown, reproduced, and been super-sized while I wasn’t looking.

When the clutter gets this bad (seriously, my computer monitor hovers over a mountain range of papers), it can feel overwhelming. And I have those days when I just want to close the office door and go sit on the deck (which needs sweeping but at least isn’t overtaken with boxes, magazines, and stuff).

The reason clutter can feel so overwhelming is we often see it as one big massive thing.
As in: I just don’t know where to start.
And: There’s just so much of it, it’ll take me forever to clean it up.
Or: Can’t I just move and leave it here?

I hear you. I definitely have those days when I’d rather lie on the sofa and watch Psych. But at some point, if what you want is an uncluttered home, you gotta do some uncluttering.

There’s just so much, where do I even start?

I’m a big believer in starting small… just take one tiny step and then another tiny step, and before you know it, you’re at the top of the mountain.

The Spring Cleaning Hustle Extravaganza Jubilee

It’s a decluttering party and you’re invited!

To be part of the party is simple, this weekend:

  1. Pick one thing or one small area, not a whole room or the whole house. Something so small it feels silly even calling it an area. Something like “the right side of my desk” or “dresses”, not “bedroom” or “office” or “garage” or even “clothes”.
  2. Set a timer for 30 minutes and dive into that area until the timer goes off.
  3. Take a break. Treat yourself to a few minutes in the spring sunshine. Do something fun.

And then, if you feel inspired, do it all again.

This is not a formula for perfection.

Let’s say you decide to declutter your hanging clothes. You set the timer, and then pull all of the hangers out and lay the clothes on your bed. You sort for 30 minutes, putting the keepers back in the closet, and setting the donations to the side. The timer goes off, and you have only gone through half of the clothes. What do you do?
A) Leave the clothes on the bed and use them as an extra layer of warmth when you go to sleep.
B) Throw your hands up and say “I’ll never get through it all!”
C) Set the timer for another 30 minutes and sort through some more clothes.
D) Pack up the donations pile to drop off at Goodwill, and return what’s left to the closet to be sorted when you have time on another day.

If you answered C or D, you get a cookie!

I’m going to repeat myself now: this is not a formula for perfection. Perfection is an all or nothing proposition, and if we strive for perfection, we never get started because it feels impossible.

This is a formula for gradual progress.

Enjoy the process. Celebrate the small victories (did you clear off half of your desk? Awesome! Your desk is way cleaner than it was 30 minutes ago, keep up the good work!)

Bonus: Create a 30-minute playlist and shake your groove thing while you bust some clutter.

I’ll be spending at least two 30-minute sessions in my office this weekend in hopes that I’ll find the surface of my desk again. What will you spend 30 minutes decluttering this weekend?

Photo Credit: Éole vi Flickr